Am 32 weeks pregnant…. I am very thankful to my Lord for His Love and Mercy. Today, I am much at peace and content with myself and surroundings.
When I was pregnant with my first child, thanks to a business deal that went ballistically awry….we were homeless, broke and penniless. We don’t even have the money to prepare much for our child’s arrival and not even a penny to pay for the hospital cost. Being a highly supercharged Type-A personality and a very ambitious woman, I became very depressed and suffers from PND…all in silent…(must show a happy face to the world, eh?)
That was 6 years ago, and we were very, very lucky. Our downfall made us, I hope, better humans. We went through a sea-change in attitude and lifestyle, we deliberately simplify our lives, open up our heart to the world and strive to create the kind of life and home environment that we want for ourselves and our kids.
When I decided to marry, a former employee told me that marriage would destroy my career potential and prospect. He said of all the young corporate executives he had met and worked with him, I am among the exceptional few with the most potential to climb up fast to the top. Yes, those days back then, I was a very focused and ambitious young career woman who’d jump on any challenges unfazed and afraid of no one. I aimed to be on top before I reached 35, with my own little consultancy firm and an office on one the Petronas Twin Towers, another degree and probably a doctorate, a swanky car and a plush condo or two and vacations at international locations around the world, leading a jet-setting lifestyle. No husbands or kids in that picture back then :D.
After marriage, when I chose to become a full-time homemaker and work from home, my own family were so against it. My mother said I was wasting my potentials and my friends thought it totally out of character for me. My aunt think I’m stupid, well, she still think so until now.
Well, next year I’m going to be 35, no plush condos or swanky cars and the furthest trip abroad I’ve taken so far was to Singapore. Debt-ridden and still almost penniless….but I am at peace and happy. I have a little online store to tame the sparks down and am busy with my kids, plants, cats and pursuing knowledge at my own speed. I’ve never gone out of my country but I know so much about faraway places, even better that those who have actually been there and I have friends in every continent of the world.
Well, this path I’ve chosen today is a lonely path, but I know I am doing the right thing. I’ve begun to understand that what matters most in this life is not how much money you have in the bank or how big a car you have parked in front of your home or how thick your academic papers are….happiness is when the heart is at rest, content and peaceful, in sync with the surroundings and people around you. It’s all about finding a balance and living a life like there is no tomorrow.
I’ve seen loved ones passed on to the next plane in loneliness though surrounded by family and friends, leaving behind unresolved issues and and unspoken words of love…So, stop putting off until tomorrow what you feel like saying or doing for the people you love most. Just do it, just say it. Stop once and a while to smell a flower or two, slow down to enjoy the view, take time to be with loved ones and friends.
So for now, my goal in life is to be a better MUSLIM and an effective ‘IBADURRAHMAN. I’m a housewife, though I am not good at it but I’m trying my best. And the most important thing in life for me right now is to satisfy this unquenchable thirst I’m having, that never seems can ever be satisfied within this lifetime, for ‘ilm, ‘ilm, ‘ilm (thank you Dr. S. Fareed, sir)….’ilm that will make me a better human and bring me more closer to my Creator…
Well dear friends, no matter what kind of path or lifestyle you choose, be true to yourself, listen to your heart, appreciate the people in your life whether you like them or not, respect your surroundings and all the creatures within it. Let your controls go once in a while or better still, let it fly loose if you can help it and ride the wind. And never ever stop learning and pursuing knowledge.
And, oh….don’t ever stop remembering Allah in your heart….